Sound-side Teriyaki

September 19th, 2016

Filed Under: lettuce, mayonnaise, mustard, provolone, rye with 0 Comments

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At the Outer Banks, as in life, sometimes you’re ocean-side and sometimes you’re sound-side — and either way, everyone likes a nice sandwich for lunch.

In this case, everyone (meaning me) had marble rye piled high with teriyaki-flavored chicken that I took a chance on and that ended up being quite tasty.

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Maritime Chicken Salad

July 9th, 2016

Filed Under: bbq, chicken salad, lettuce, mayonnaise, rye with 0 Comments

When you’re on a ferry between Tallinn and Helsinki, you’re really the definition of a captive audience. Want some duty-free perfume, toys, or candy? You’re in luck (as long as you enjoy smelling licorice, playing with licorice, and eating licorice, respectively*). Want anything else, though, and you better hope the on-board businesses have you covered.

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In my case, I just wanted a sandwich. Like one does when at sea. Thankfully, there were sandwiches available, and they weren’t even ruinously expensive! Even more thankfully, the sandwich I had didn’t even suck (though the picture I took of it certainly did). Rye bread, lettuce, and chicken salad with the barest hint of a trace of a smidge of BBQ sauce. All in all, it it the spot.

* Which I do!

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My displeasure has a first name

August 25th, 2015

Filed Under: mayonnaise, meat, miscellaneous, mustard with 0 Comments

Quote-unquote "Roast Beef"

I made the mistake of buying prepackaged sandwich meat in an opaque package. It claimed to be “slow-roasted roast beef”. But to paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen: I have served roast beef. I know roast beef. Roast beef is a friend of mine. Sir, you’re no roast beef.

Upon opening the package, I had a number of thoughts running through my head all at once. For example: “Huh, slices of roast beef aren’t usually completely round.” “This looks like baloney, or possibly bologna, but with gristle, or possibly imitation gristle.” “What’s that smell?” and many others.

But upon tasting a slice, I had only these two thoughts: first, that I had a lot of sympathy for Fry’s remark that “That’s the saltiest thing I’ve ever tasted. And I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!”; second, that I was definitely going to have to reference this post, because that pretzel-and-jerky concoction was much less salty than this.

I was foolish enough to think that maybe it wouldn’t taste quite so bad slathered in condiments and between bread. I was wrong. I was foolish enough to think that maybe a rooftop view of a major American city would maybe distract me from the taste. Wrong again. Maybe I should have just flung it over the edge.

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Great Moments in the News: Onion Sandwiches

February 1st, 2010

Filed Under: ham, mayonnaise, miscellaneous with 0 Comments

Today, in The Onion:

Mayonnaise, Black Forest Ham To Share Top Billing In Upcoming Sandwich

FEBRUARY 1, 2010

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Lunch insiders confirmed rumors Monday that Mayonnaise and Black Forest Ham would share top billing in a highly anticipated upcoming sandwich, which sources said is still in the early stages of development. The on-bread reunion will be the first time the popular duo has teamed up since costarring in a widely acclaimed Italian grinder in 2009. Recent kitchen reports stated that the sandwich itself was almost abandoned when it appeared that a prior commitment to star in a low-budget chicken salad might have rendered Mayonnaise unavailable. Sources would not confirm rumors that Shredded Lettuce and Melted Provolone are also involved, but confirmed that, despite early interest, Ketchup just wasn’t right for the project.

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London Broil is Falling Down

August 5th, 2009

Filed Under: beef, mayonnaise, mustard, provolone, toasted with 0 Comments

London Broil

. . . down my gullet, that is. I was at the store, buying cold cuts, when I absentmindedly ordered an entire pound of London broil. “How will I eat this all?” I wondered. Turns out I had no need to worry, because the stuff was absolutely delicious. Goes great on a sandwich (see above), especially with a nice dijon mustard. It also goes great by itself, eaten directly out of the package.

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Ham and Law

April 21st, 2009

Filed Under: ham, mayonnaise, mustard with 0 Comments

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In half an hour, I’ll have a three-hour essay exam that will be the sole determining factor for my grade in a three-credit class. Thankfully, I had the foresight to pack a sandwich of baked Virginia ham on a delectable seven-grain sourdough. So even if I can’t remember whether Congress is permitted to effectively conscript state executive officers into enforcing its laws (it isn’t), at least I won’t be lacking for nutrition.

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Pepper-turkey

April 16th, 2009

Filed Under: mayonnaise, mustard, turkey with 0 Comments

Pepper-turkey

As I may have mentioned, I have a thing for pepper. But can you blame me? After all, pepper is known as “the gift of the east.” (Let’s ignore the fact that gift means ‘poison’ in Swedish.)

Anyway, this is another case of pepper spicing up an otherwise-bland cold cut. I’m trying not to reflect upon the way the pepper is evenly distributed through the uniform, textureless slices of ‘turkey’ here. I really don’t know what kind of processing it’s been through. Thankfully, it ends up being rather tasty.

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A New Sandwich for America

January 20th, 2009

Filed Under: ham, mayonnaise, münster, mustard with 0 Comments

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A veritable shitload of people gathered on and around the National Mall today, to celebrate the inauguration of a new President. Some waited for hours in the bitter cold or drove from hundreds of miles away; others were lucky enough to arrive and find a place to stand fifteen minutes before the ceremonies started. People of every race, creed, and color were standing together, united in one common trait — hunger.

Seriously, though, I knew I’d be standing out there a long time. So I brought sandwiches.

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Hesburger’s Rukkifileeburger

July 23rd, 2008

Filed Under: mayonnaise, onion, pork cutlet, tomato with 5 Comments

Delicious!

Back in May, my family went on a trip to Estonia. While there, I had the opportunity to eat at places one does not generally eat at in the United States.

For example, Hesburger. A fast-food joint, not unlike the places we know of with kingly burgers or burgers owned by a clown. However, as Hesburger is more of a European thing, they can have some interesting things there.

This sandwich is the “Rukkifileeburger”, which is Estonian for “Rye fillet burger”. Adding the “burger” on the end is a little misleading, since it contains a pork fillet of some sort, and not a meat patty we generally associate with burgers.

Anyway, the main ingredients are the pork, lettuce, tomatoes, and onion rings, with some manner of special sauce (“paprika mayo” apparently), all between two slices of dark rye bread. Rye bread is more popular in some European countries, so Hesburger decided to offer rye sandwiches in their burger joints, I guess.

The sandwich was a little better than I expected, but I wasn’t really expecting much. The rye bread was interesting… I expected slices of a loaf of rye, but it’s more like one of those rectangular shaped chicken sandwiches you might find in fast food places here in the US. Except instead of whatever bun they’d use here, it was rye bread.

Still, it could’ve been better. I mean, this is fast food we’re talkin’ here. Fast food isn’t well known for the greatest of sandwiches. But I greatly support unusual sandwich choices in places, and this gave me a chance to write about rye-fillet-burgers. I’d eat another if I get the chance, though largely for the novelty of eating an odd sandwich like this in a fast food place.

Overhead picture Alternate angle

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Full Sandwich, Half Dome

December 30th, 2007

Filed Under: cheese, mayonnaise, mustard, turkey with 0 Comments

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“Hunger,” Benjamin Franklin is alleged to have stated, “is the best pickle.” There are a few different things that might mean — a few of the dictionary definitions for the noun pickle are: a cucumber, or other vegetable or foodstuff, preserved in brine or marinade; a liquid usually prepared with salt or vinegar for preserving or flavoring fish, meat, vegetables, etc.; Informal. a troublesome or awkward situation. So which of those makes sense? [1]

Anyway, whatever Benjamin Franklin had in mind, this much is clear: hiking four miles and 3000 vertical feet in Yosemite Valley makes you hungry. And that hunger makes an already-delicious sandwich taste even better.

* * *

[1] Interestingly enough, all of these meanings were in use by Franklin’s time: “brine or marinade” dates from c.1440; “cucumber preserved in brine” was first recorded in 1707; and the figurative sense of “sorry plight” was first recorded in 1562.

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