Maritime Chicken Salad

July 9th, 2016

Filed Under: bbq, chicken salad, lettuce, mayonnaise, rye with 0 Comments

When you’re on a ferry between Tallinn and Helsinki, you’re really the definition of a captive audience. Want some duty-free perfume, toys, or candy? You’re in luck (as long as you enjoy smelling licorice, playing with licorice, and eating licorice, respectively*). Want anything else, though, and you better hope the on-board businesses have you covered.

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In my case, I just wanted a sandwich. Like one does when at sea. Thankfully, there were sandwiches available, and they weren’t even ruinously expensive! Even more thankfully, the sandwich I had didn’t even suck (though the picture I took of it certainly did). Rye bread, lettuce, and chicken salad with the barest hint of a trace of a smidge of BBQ sauce. All in all, it it the spot.

* Which I do!

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Mahlakas hirveburger teraleival

July 1st, 2016

Filed Under: bacon, cheddar, onion, pickle, venison with 0 Comments

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A burger is a sandwich. And an open-faced sandwich is a sandwich. So it stands to reason that an open-faced burger is a sandwich, too.

Especially if the burger includes thick-sliced, fatty bacon; pickled onions; black bread; and a venison patty. Also, when I say “fatty” bacon, I suspect you may not fully understand just how fatty I mean. This is a country where many bars and restaurants include, well, simply slices of pork fat on their menu. This particular bar/restaurant happened to serve its slice of pork fat attached to the rest of the slice of bacon, on top of a patty of venison, and below rings of pickled onion, with the whole kaboodle being on a slice of black bread. Fucking delicious.

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Great Moments in Traffic Collisions: When a Bread Truck Meets a Meat Truck

June 17th, 2016

Filed Under: meat, miscellaneous with 0 Comments

First things first, traffic collisions are no joke, and in this case reports vary on whether there were or were not injuries to any of the truck drivers. And of course, injuries might not be reported at the scene, but nonetheless be very present and very serious. So I certainly hope nobody was injured, and failing that, I hope nobody has any lasting injuries from this.

Aerial view of deli truck collision, from NBC News

Aerial view of deli truck collision, from NBC News

So this morning, two trucks converged on I-287 near Piscataway, New Jersey. One was carrying bread, the contents of which were strewn all over the road as shown above. The other, which was carrying deli meat, is variously identified in news reports as a “Black Bear cold cuts truck” or a “ShopRite truck“, appears below. For what it’s worth, the truck seems to have both Black Bear and ShopRite logos on it (one of them obscured by the wrecker in front of it), Black Bear’s site has a product finder that redirects you to ShopRite, and ShopRite’s site mentions “ShopRite’s exclusive Black Bear line of premium meats and cheeses”. So this may be a distinction without a difference here.

ShopRite truck at the side of the road, from News 12 New Jersey

ShopRite truck at the side of the road, from News 12 New Jersey

As one might imagine, the collision of trucks carrying bread and cold cuts led to some attempted humor from a local radio traffic report and the nether reaches of the Internet. (As for me? I’m just interested in the facts, ma’am.)

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Donor kebab

February 29th, 2016

Filed Under: kebab, yogurt sauce with 0 Comments

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So I haven’t discussed this with any of my fellow-bloggers here, but let’s be frank: if this blog were going to endorse a candidate, it would be the candidate who had “Sandwiches” in his name.

Which brings me to a sandwich-related pun that Stephen Colbert left out of his otherwise-masterful segment. Like Colbert said, Bernie Sandwiches is lauded by the LGBLT community and those who consider him a hero — but he also has the unwavering support of his Döners. Who also happen to pack a mean kebab, like this one I had the other day. Absolutely delicious.

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Great Moments in Jurisprudence: Chicken Sandwiches Uncopyrightable

August 25th, 2015

Filed Under: cheese, fried chicken, lettuce, miscellaneous, tomato with 0 Comments

(h/t Ars Technica)

The sandwich in this picture is uncopyrightable. The picture itself, on the other hand, is absolutely copyrightable. The use of the picture here, though, is solely for the purpose of commenting on a highly newsworthy matter of great social import, to wit, the copyrightability or lack thereof of sandwiches, and to serve as an educational illustration of the sandwich at issue in the litigation in question.

The sandwich in this picture is uncopyrightable. The picture itself, on the other hand, is absolutely copyrightable. The use of the picture here, though, is solely for the purpose of commenting on a highly newsworthy matter of great social import, to wit, the copyrightability or lack thereof of sandwiches, and to serve as an educational illustration of the sandwich at issue in the litigation in question.

Last Friday, the United States Court of Appeals for the First Circuit issued a decision in an appeal from the District of Puerto Rico. The plaintiffs essentially claimed that South American Restaurants Corp., which is among other things a Church’s Chicken franchisee and a seemingly misnamed entity (as Puerto Rico is not in South America), owed them for the continued use of a sandwich recipe that one of them concocted while working there. The sandwich, which is called the “Pechusandwich” and/or the “Pechu Sandwich”, “consists of a fried chicken breast patty, lettuce, tomato, American cheese, and garlic mayonnaise on a bun.”

As the appeals court put it:

Congress has enumerated eight categories of works available for copyright protection:

(1) literary works; (2) musical works, including any accompanying words; (3) dramatic works, including any accompanying music; (4) pantomimes and choreographic works; (5) pictorial, graphic, and sculptural works; (6) motion pictures and other audiovisual works; (7) sound recordings; and (8) architectural works.

17 U.S.C. § 102(a).

Contrary to Colón’s protests on appeal, the district court properly determined that a chicken sandwich is not eligible for copyright protection. This makes good sense; neither the recipe nor the name Pechu Sandwich fits any of the eligible categories and, therefore, protection under the Copyright Act is unwarranted. A recipe — or any instructions — listing the combination of chicken, lettuce, tomato, cheese, and mayonnaise on a bun to create a sandwich is quite plainly not a copyrightable work.

If you’re curious, if the court had held that sandwich recipes are copyright-eligible, the [almost certain] existence of previous sandwich recipes identical to the one at issue wouldn’t have hurt the plaintiffs’ case. (Or, at least, it wouldn’t necessarily. Though the recipe might well have been considered a work for hire, and then they could have lost on that point.) Unlike with patents, where (as John Carmack can tell you) coming up with something yourself independently isn’t a defense to infringement, where copyrights are concerned, if you didn’t copy, you didn’t infringe. (But, of course, nothing is ever simple; courts can sometimes infer copying via the principle of “striking similarity“.)

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My displeasure has a first name

August 25th, 2015

Filed Under: mayonnaise, meat, miscellaneous, mustard with 0 Comments

Quote-unquote "Roast Beef"

I made the mistake of buying prepackaged sandwich meat in an opaque package. It claimed to be “slow-roasted roast beef”. But to paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen: I have served roast beef. I know roast beef. Roast beef is a friend of mine. Sir, you’re no roast beef.

Upon opening the package, I had a number of thoughts running through my head all at once. For example: “Huh, slices of roast beef aren’t usually completely round.” “This looks like baloney, or possibly bologna, but with gristle, or possibly imitation gristle.” “What’s that smell?” and many others.

But upon tasting a slice, I had only these two thoughts: first, that I had a lot of sympathy for Fry’s remark that “That’s the saltiest thing I’ve ever tasted. And I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!”; second, that I was definitely going to have to reference this post, because that pretzel-and-jerky concoction was much less salty than this.

I was foolish enough to think that maybe it wouldn’t taste quite so bad slathered in condiments and between bread. I was wrong. I was foolish enough to think that maybe a rooftop view of a major American city would maybe distract me from the taste. Wrong again. Maybe I should have just flung it over the edge.

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Bacon Egg O’Muffin

April 25th, 2015

Filed Under: bacon, breakfast, egg, toasted with 0 Comments

What do you do when english muffins, bacon, and eggs are all discounted at the grocery store? This:

Bacon Egg O'Muffin, open configuration

That’s what the unfailingly polite B. E. O’Muffin looks like when he’s respectfully doffing his cap. And here’s what he looks like with that cap on. Either way, delicious.

Bacon Egg O'Muffin, closed configuration

Making the eggs sunny-side-up results in a delicious yolksplosion all over the place after (or, sometimes, before) the first bite. (Yolksplosion not pictured, because it would have involved subjecting my camera to collateral damage.)

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Skier Sandwich

March 6th, 2011

Filed Under: cheese, guacamole, ham, meat, turkey with 1 Comment

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In California, you can’t take two steps without tripping over an avocado.  Good thing, too, because leftover guacamole makes for an excellent sandwich addition.  This ‘wich was most energizing after a snowy Tahoe ski day.

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Great Moments in the News: Onion Sandwiches

February 1st, 2010

Filed Under: ham, mayonnaise, miscellaneous with 0 Comments

Today, in The Onion:

Mayonnaise, Black Forest Ham To Share Top Billing In Upcoming Sandwich

FEBRUARY 1, 2010

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Lunch insiders confirmed rumors Monday that Mayonnaise and Black Forest Ham would share top billing in a highly anticipated upcoming sandwich, which sources said is still in the early stages of development. The on-bread reunion will be the first time the popular duo has teamed up since costarring in a widely acclaimed Italian grinder in 2009. Recent kitchen reports stated that the sandwich itself was almost abandoned when it appeared that a prior commitment to star in a low-budget chicken salad might have rendered Mayonnaise unavailable. Sources would not confirm rumors that Shredded Lettuce and Melted Provolone are also involved, but confirmed that, despite early interest, Ketchup just wasn’t right for the project.

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London Broil is Falling Down

August 5th, 2009

Filed Under: beef, mayonnaise, mustard, provolone, toasted with 0 Comments

London Broil

. . . down my gullet, that is. I was at the store, buying cold cuts, when I absentmindedly ordered an entire pound of London broil. “How will I eat this all?” I wondered. Turns out I had no need to worry, because the stuff was absolutely delicious. Goes great on a sandwich (see above), especially with a nice dijon mustard. It also goes great by itself, eaten directly out of the package.

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