Sound-side Teriyaki

September 19th, 2016

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At the Outer Banks, as in life, sometimes you’re ocean-side and sometimes you’re sound-side — and either way, everyone likes a nice sandwich for lunch.

In this case, everyone (meaning me) had marble rye piled high with teriyaki-flavored chicken that I took a chance on and that ended up being quite tasty.

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My displeasure has a first name

August 25th, 2015

Filed Under: mayonnaise, meat, miscellaneous, mustard with 0 Comments

Quote-unquote "Roast Beef"

I made the mistake of buying prepackaged sandwich meat in an opaque package. It claimed to be “slow-roasted roast beef”. But to paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen: I have served roast beef. I know roast beef. Roast beef is a friend of mine. Sir, you’re no roast beef.

Upon opening the package, I had a number of thoughts running through my head all at once. For example: “Huh, slices of roast beef aren’t usually completely round.” “This looks like baloney, or possibly bologna, but with gristle, or possibly imitation gristle.” “What’s that smell?” and many others.

But upon tasting a slice, I had only these two thoughts: first, that I had a lot of sympathy for Fry’s remark that “That’s the saltiest thing I’ve ever tasted. And I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!”; second, that I was definitely going to have to reference this post, because that pretzel-and-jerky concoction was much less salty than this.

I was foolish enough to think that maybe it wouldn’t taste quite so bad slathered in condiments and between bread. I was wrong. I was foolish enough to think that maybe a rooftop view of a major American city would maybe distract me from the taste. Wrong again. Maybe I should have just flung it over the edge.

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London Broil is Falling Down

August 5th, 2009

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London Broil

. . . down my gullet, that is. I was at the store, buying cold cuts, when I absentmindedly ordered an entire pound of London broil. “How will I eat this all?” I wondered. Turns out I had no need to worry, because the stuff was absolutely delicious. Goes great on a sandwich (see above), especially with a nice dijon mustard. It also goes great by itself, eaten directly out of the package.

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Ham and Law

April 21st, 2009

Filed Under: ham, mayonnaise, mustard with 0 Comments

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In half an hour, I’ll have a three-hour essay exam that will be the sole determining factor for my grade in a three-credit class. Thankfully, I had the foresight to pack a sandwich of baked Virginia ham on a delectable seven-grain sourdough. So even if I can’t remember whether Congress is permitted to effectively conscript state executive officers into enforcing its laws (it isn’t), at least I won’t be lacking for nutrition.

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Pepper-turkey

April 16th, 2009

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Pepper-turkey

As I may have mentioned, I have a thing for pepper. But can you blame me? After all, pepper is known as “the gift of the east.” (Let’s ignore the fact that gift means ‘poison’ in Swedish.)

Anyway, this is another case of pepper spicing up an otherwise-bland cold cut. I’m trying not to reflect upon the way the pepper is evenly distributed through the uniform, textureless slices of ‘turkey’ here. I really don’t know what kind of processing it’s been through. Thankfully, it ends up being rather tasty.

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A New Sandwich for America

January 20th, 2009

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A veritable shitload of people gathered on and around the National Mall today, to celebrate the inauguration of a new President. Some waited for hours in the bitter cold or drove from hundreds of miles away; others were lucky enough to arrive and find a place to stand fifteen minutes before the ceremonies started. People of every race, creed, and color were standing together, united in one common trait — hunger.

Seriously, though, I knew I’d be standing out there a long time. So I brought sandwiches.

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Full Sandwich, Half Dome

December 30th, 2007

Filed Under: cheese, mayonnaise, mustard, turkey with 0 Comments

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“Hunger,” Benjamin Franklin is alleged to have stated, “is the best pickle.” There are a few different things that might mean — a few of the dictionary definitions for the noun pickle are: a cucumber, or other vegetable or foodstuff, preserved in brine or marinade; a liquid usually prepared with salt or vinegar for preserving or flavoring fish, meat, vegetables, etc.; Informal. a troublesome or awkward situation. So which of those makes sense? [1]

Anyway, whatever Benjamin Franklin had in mind, this much is clear: hiking four miles and 3000 vertical feet in Yosemite Valley makes you hungry. And that hunger makes an already-delicious sandwich taste even better.

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[1] Interestingly enough, all of these meanings were in use by Franklin’s time: “brine or marinade” dates from c.1440; “cucumber preserved in brine” was first recorded in 1707; and the figurative sense of “sorry plight” was first recorded in 1562.

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Black Forest

December 8th, 2007

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Black Forest Ham

In Europe, “Black Forest ham” is a protected term indicative of a particular geographical origin and method of preparation: the name is applied only to those hams from Germany’s Black Forest region that have been cured and cold smoked with a distinctive flavoring.

In the United States, on the other hand, there are no such restrictions on the use of the term—but it’s still delicious.

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Lemon-pepper chicken

December 2nd, 2007

Filed Under: provolone, toasted with 1 Comment

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Chicken cold-cuts are usually pretty bland. When I saw there was a special on “lemon-pepper” chicken, though, I dared to hope it might be flavorful, on account of the alleged lemon and pepper (have I mentioned that I really like pepper?) and whatnot. And indeed it was.

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Pepper-ham

October 18th, 2007

Filed Under: ham, mustard, provolone with 1 Comment

Pepper-ham

This is another sandwich precipitated by the purchase of the rye loaf mentioned previously. In this case, the meat was a similar impulse buy. I like ham [1] and I really like pepper [2], so pepper-encrusted ham seemed like a natural choice. Can’t say I regret it in the least.

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[1] And who doesn’t like ham? Besides Jains, Jews, Muslims, Seventh-day Adventists and Rastafarians, I mean.

[2] I’ve pissed a lot of people off by indulging in one of my favorite beverages, piprapiim (‘peppermilk’). I came up with it myself, and nobody else likes it. Which is fine, because there’s more for me that way.

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