Sound-side Teriyaki
September 19th, 2016Filed Under: lettuce, mayonnaise, mustard, provolone, rye with 0 Comments
At the Outer Banks, as in life, sometimes you’re ocean-side and sometimes you’re sound-side — and either way, everyone likes a nice sandwich for lunch.
In this case, everyone (meaning me) had marble rye piled high with teriyaki-flavored chicken that I took a chance on and that ended up being quite tasty.
My displeasure has a first name
August 25th, 2015Filed Under: mayonnaise, meat, miscellaneous, mustard with 0 Comments
I made the mistake of buying prepackaged sandwich meat in an opaque package. It claimed to be “slow-roasted roast beef”. But to paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen: I have served roast beef. I know roast beef. Roast beef is a friend of mine. Sir, you’re no roast beef.
Upon opening the package, I had a number of thoughts running through my head all at once. For example: “Huh, slices of roast beef aren’t usually completely round.” “This looks like baloney, or possibly bologna, but with gristle, or possibly imitation gristle.” “What’s that smell?” and many others.
But upon tasting a slice, I had only these two thoughts: first, that I had a lot of sympathy for Fry’s remark that “That’s the saltiest thing I’ve ever tasted. And I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!”; second, that I was definitely going to have to reference this post, because that pretzel-and-jerky concoction was much less salty than this.
I was foolish enough to think that maybe it wouldn’t taste quite so bad slathered in condiments and between bread. I was wrong. I was foolish enough to think that maybe a rooftop view of a major American city would maybe distract me from the taste. Wrong again. Maybe I should have just flung it over the edge.
Great Moments in the News: Onion Sandwiches
February 1st, 2010Filed Under: ham, mayonnaise, miscellaneous with 0 Comments
Today, in The Onion:
Mayonnaise, Black Forest Ham To Share Top Billing In Upcoming SandwichFEBRUARY 1, 2010
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Lunch insiders confirmed rumors Monday that Mayonnaise and Black Forest Ham would share top billing in a highly anticipated upcoming sandwich, which sources said is still in the early stages of development. The on-bread reunion will be the first time the popular duo has teamed up since costarring in a widely acclaimed Italian grinder in 2009. Recent kitchen reports stated that the sandwich itself was almost abandoned when it appeared that a prior commitment to star in a low-budget chicken salad might have rendered Mayonnaise unavailable. Sources would not confirm rumors that Shredded Lettuce and Melted Provolone are also involved, but confirmed that, despite early interest, Ketchup just wasn’t right for the project.
London Broil is Falling Down
August 5th, 2009Filed Under: beef, mayonnaise, mustard, provolone, toasted with 0 Comments
. . . down my gullet, that is. I was at the store, buying cold cuts, when I absentmindedly ordered an entire pound of London broil. “How will I eat this all?” I wondered. Turns out I had no need to worry, because the stuff was absolutely delicious. Goes great on a sandwich (see above), especially with a nice dijon mustard. It also goes great by itself, eaten directly out of the package.
Ham and Law
April 21st, 2009Filed Under: ham, mayonnaise, mustard with 0 Comments
In half an hour, I’ll have a three-hour essay exam that will be the sole determining factor for my grade in a three-credit class. Thankfully, I had the foresight to pack a sandwich of baked Virginia ham on a delectable seven-grain sourdough. So even if I can’t remember whether Congress is permitted to effectively conscript state executive officers into enforcing its laws (it isn’t), at least I won’t be lacking for nutrition.
Pepper-turkey
April 16th, 2009Filed Under: mayonnaise, mustard, turkey with 0 Comments
As I may have mentioned, I have a thing for pepper. But can you blame me? After all, pepper is known as “the gift of the east.” (Let’s ignore the fact that gift means ‘poison’ in Swedish.)
Anyway, this is another case of pepper spicing up an otherwise-bland cold cut. I’m trying not to reflect upon the way the pepper is evenly distributed through the uniform, textureless slices of ‘turkey’ here. I really don’t know what kind of processing it’s been through. Thankfully, it ends up being rather tasty.
A New Sandwich for America
January 20th, 2009Filed Under: ham, mayonnaise, münster, mustard with 0 Comments
A veritable shitload of people gathered on and around the National Mall today, to celebrate the inauguration of a new President. Some waited for hours in the bitter cold or drove from hundreds of miles away; others were lucky enough to arrive and find a place to stand fifteen minutes before the ceremonies started. People of every race, creed, and color were standing together, united in one common trait — hunger.
Seriously, though, I knew I’d be standing out there a long time. So I brought sandwiches.
Full Sandwich, Half Dome
December 30th, 2007Filed Under: cheese, mayonnaise, mustard, turkey with 0 Comments
“Hunger,” Benjamin Franklin is alleged to have stated, “is the best pickle.” There are a few different things that might mean — a few of the dictionary definitions for the noun pickle are: a cucumber, or other vegetable or foodstuff, preserved in brine or marinade; a liquid usually prepared with salt or vinegar for preserving or flavoring fish, meat, vegetables, etc.; Informal. a troublesome or awkward situation. So which of those makes sense? [1]
- “Hunger is the best [preserved cucumber]“? That’s just silly, and doesn’t seem to carry any meaning, even as a metaphor.
- “Hunger is the best [predicament]“? Hunger certainly can be quite a predicament — and an extremely troublesome (even lethal) one at that. But is it really the best predicament? Seems a rather unfortunate predicament to me.
- “Hunger is the best [flavorful brine or marinade]“? Finally, we appear to be getting somewhere. If hunger is the best spice, why can’t it be the best brine, too?
Anyway, whatever Benjamin Franklin had in mind, this much is clear: hiking four miles and 3000 vertical feet in Yosemite Valley makes you hungry. And that hunger makes an already-delicious sandwich taste even better.
[1] Interestingly enough, all of these meanings were in use by Franklin’s time: “brine or marinade” dates from c.1440; “cucumber preserved in brine” was first recorded in 1707; and the figurative sense of “sorry plight” was first recorded in 1562.
A Contradiction in Terms
September 10th, 2007Filed Under: cheddar, vegetables with 1 Comment
An odd paradox of food, I ordered this veggie burger with bacon. It was at a Jimmy Buffett-owned burger restaurant my sister took me to. It’s a fairly standard bacon cheeseburger, featuring lettuce, tomato, onions, cheddar cheese, and so on, except I requested to have a veggie burger patty. You can get any burger there as a veggie burger.
Really, most of the time, I could hardly tell that it wasn’t a real bacon cheeseburger. Sometimes, of course, a bite should’ve been meatier than it was, and I could tell it was a veggie patty. But really, I don’t see THAT big of a difference… I guess I’m not that picky when it comes to food. Oh, also, the sweet potato chips were really good. Mmm.
Funny story, actually, my sister ordered a BBQ veggie burger or something, but wound up getting a mushroom swiss veggie burger by mistake. They prepared her the correct burger, and I got a free bonus burger out of the deal. Plus the restaurant also covered one of her drinks. So a free mixed drink and a free burger! Now THAT’s service! We left a nice tip.
Chicken salad—with bacon.
August 6th, 2007Filed Under: bacon, chicken salad, lettuce, tomato with 0 Comments
This was rather a delicious sandwich, and quite substantial as well—the picture only shows you two of the four quarters. Should be pretty self-explanatory.
I guess you could even call it a BLT with chicken salad, rather than a chicken salad sandwich with bacon, but that raises the issue of which meat is primary and which is secondary. Bacon is usually relegated to second fiddle, acting as some kind of modifier (e.g., “cheesesteak [with bacon]”, “[bacon] cheeseburger”, “[baconated] manwich”); unless it’s the sole meat (“BLT”) or present in ridiculous and attention-whoring quantities (“Wendy’s Baconator”). In this case, I could go either way. Chicken salad is normally a primary meat, and it would be perfectly reasonable to call bacon an adjunct; but the the third bun in this sandwich performs an interesting function, separating the chicken salad from what would otherwise be a complete and fully-formed BLT. So it’s really almost two sandwiches in one, conjoined twins sharing a common bun.